The Art of Living Right

An excerpt from the talk I recently gave to the children and staff of Shanti Bhavan.

I share my life experience with you by suggesting three ideas that might help you decide how you want to live. I have been thinking about it for quite a while, but especially during my recent journey to the holy sites of different religions in north India.

Many aspects of your personality, character, and values shape the person you are. In addition to the virtues you have learned, I don’t want to give you another long list of ideas to remember. Instead, I have put together three thoughts that might be valuable in shaping your future. This talk is about The Art of Living Right.

To get started, I want to ask you a simple question: Is there anyone who doesn’t want to be happy? No, we all want a happy life.

You need money to buy comfort and do what you want for yourself. Hence, I urge you to study well, work hard, get into good colleges, and be professionally successful so you can earn money. Later, you might develop great ideas and ambitions to make a difference in the world. Money is essential for this, provided you use it correctly and for the right purposes, and you can make a difference. But understand, happiness is more than the money you have earned or the wealth you have created for yourself.

I want to share a quick passage from my book, to be published next year: “This is something I have realized firsthand: the freedom that wealth offers allows you to work toward something more satisfying and fulfilling. But that satisfaction is not necessarily dependent on the wealth you possess.”

You should start thinking about happiness not as something you create by yourself but as what comes from your relationships with others. So, the first thing I want to emphasize—but not necessarily the most important—is how you interact with your family members and anyone else you come across; how you feel about the people you meet, the people who make a difference in your life, the people who care for you, and even strangers you interact with. It is about your ability to connect or bond with others.

The relationship you have with others must be of mutual respect and genuine thoughtfulness. You must respect the other person, and in turn, they respect you for the kind of person you are. For that to happen, you have to be worthy of respect. If you are such, you will attract people, find friendships, and connect with others who share your interests or who want to join you in your efforts. If you build good relationships that are appropriate to the situations you are in, you are likely to achieve happiness. It is your relationships that make life beautiful. You can never be happy all alone.

The second important idea I want to share with you is this: always do the right thing. When confronted with a situation, ask yourself, “How can I act correctly?” I have often said: if your conscience tells you what you think is not proper, morally or ethically, don’t do it. If it is correct, go ahead. This is a choice you make almost every minute of every day. You face many decisions: small ones, slightly bigger ones, and later on in life, much bigger ones.

Always choose what is right. It is as simple as that.

At Shanti Bhavan, you’re brought up with good values and given lessons on what is right and wrong. There should be no doubt about them in your mind—if you are not sure about a situation, consult a trusted source or person to help you figure out the right course of action. So, from now on, please think twice before you do something wrong, especially when it affects someone else.

The third idea I want to share with you is the importance of acting with compassion. You might feel sympathy towards one who is suffering. Further, you might get emotionally drawn to feel empathy, and you put yourself in that person’s position to try to understand their pain. The next level is compassion; it isn’t just recognizing the suffering but wanting to help. But sympathy, empathy, or even compassion in thought means nothing to the person in need until you act on it.

The compassion you feel must be put into action. As I describe in my forthcoming book, it’s compassion in action that makes life better for the beneficiary and brings meaning to you. If everyone practices this, the world would be a much better place.

You may not have the time or the resources to do much right now. But you don’t have to be rich to make a difference; even small acts of kindness matter. If you don’t help when you have very little, you won’t help when you have much more. You might postpone it or come up with excuses. Instead, your mindset should always be: How can I help, and how can I act on it?

People say, “Oh, that beggar, she could work. She gets money from begging, and she carries her baby just to get you to give her something." People come up with all sorts of explanations and judgments about others for doing nothing. But even if she’s somehow deceiving you, there might still be good reasons for her needing your help.

So don’t start analyzing such sad situations and judging others. If you feel someone needs help, help them if you can. I, for one, keep a few 20-rupee notes in my car’s glove compartment. When I stop at a traffic red light and a beggar comes to the car window, I give one note. I don’t run into hundreds of such instances--maybe two or three at most in a day and, to me, it’s nothing big. The act of wanting to help is important, and the act of being prepared to help is equally crucial. You can’t say, “I don’t have any money, so I can’t give.” That is because you didn’t plan ahead. To put compassion into action, you must come prepared to help.

If you start doing small things from an early age, you’ll have the heart later in life to make a difference for those who are suffering. Remember, people suffer for different reasons—not just hunger alone. Sometimes, it’s from serious illnesses, physical disabilities, or mental health challenges. Don’t ignore the chance to help when you can.

Compassion in action will bring you happiness when you don’t expect or wish for anything in return. As your ability grows, so should your actions. You won’t get poorer by assisting others, so start building that passion from now on.

By living life this way— being productive and contributing, always doing the right thing, not harming anyone, and helping others—you will find happiness. You will wake up in the morning feeling good about yourself. You will know that you are a caring person. You haven’t been indifferent to someone else's predicament. You have reached out to others, and you have done your best.

People will recognize the kind of person you are in just a few minutes of your conversation with them. Your character will be evident in your face. They will admire you, want to be around you, and speak well of you. But that doesn’t mean you’ll be perfect. We all have our shortcomings, of course, but generally, you’ll come across as caring and generous. These are the values that matter most. Yes, communication skills, interpersonal abilities, and leadership qualities are important too, but don’t neglect humane values.

Here at Shanti Bhavan, I expect you to project the kind person you can be. It should be evident in everything you do here and for the rest of your life. When you’re such an individual, people will recognize your beauty—your inner beauty—and that will bring you happiness and contentment.

Ultimately, we are all searching for a purpose in life. After making considerable money, many wealthy people struggle to find meaning and purpose in their existence. Some keep making money, thinking that’s the purpose. But I urge you, from a young age, even when you don’t have money, to find a purpose that is not about you.

These three ideas—building relationships, doing the right thing, and acting with compassion—are the foundation. If you can remember and live by them, they will help you immensely in life and bring you true happiness. Ask questions, share your thoughts, and be open to becoming a better person.